Parenting Time

Mom as the Primary Care-Giver

Mothers’ rights to parenting time and decision-making responsibility has changed significantly over the last century as the standard by which determinations of these issues are made in the family courts has evolved.

Until 1813, it was an American legal principle that no matter what the cause of divorce, the father had the right to custody of all children. That year, the law moved away from that ridiculous position to favor the mother. A few years later, the Tender Years doctrine soon became the law in most states.

The Tender Years doctrine presumes that a child under the of age 13 should primarily be with the mother. To grant custody of a child to a father was “to hold nature in contempt and snatch helpless, puling infancy from the bosom of an affectionate mother, and place it in the coarse hands of the father.” The mother was “the softest and safest nurse of infancy.”

Mothers’ right evolved yet again when in the 1970′s the Tender Years doctrine was replaced in many states with the overall best interests of the child standard.

The best interests of the child standard takes several factors into consideration and is supposed to guide divorce courts in parenting time and decision making determinations. Nevertheless, the unspoken presumption of maternal care being the best situation for children continues to this day.

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Visitation vs. Parenting Time

Since 1993 in Colorado, what used to be called “visitation” is now referred to as “parenting time”. This change in terminology reflects a shift in attitudes about the quality and responsibility of time spent between parents and their kids.

The perspective which we view time with the kids has changed from “rights” of a parent to “responsibilities” of a parent. Divorce courts are now much more focused on parenting as a job, or responsibility, rather than a right to be demanded and awarded.

Considering time spent with your kids as a period of “visitation”, a parent could develop a reputation of being more “fun” or less strict. Naturally, the other parent became associated with being more “strict” and less “fun”.

The shift to parenting time implies that during your time with the kids, you should be focused on being a parent, i.e. school work, chores, activities, etc, rather than Chucky Cheese. No doubt that there should be fun time! But there also needs to be a specific focus on development.

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Primary Factors

For mothers in the middle of a divorce, one of the most nerve-wracking experiences is when the question arises as to dividing up parenting time and decisions making. Many mothers are devastated by the thought that they will be without their kids for days on end and worry about the level of care the children will be receiving while in the care of the ex-husband.

It’s important for these mothers to know what factors a divorce court will be considering when deciding on a parenting time schedule. While not the only factors, here is a list of the ones that, in our experience, the courts most heavily look to:

Parent’s wishes
The wishes of the child if he or she is sufficiently mature
Relationship of the child with her parents, siblings, and any other person who may significantly affect the child’s best interests
The child’s adjustment to her home, school, and community
The mental and physical health of all individuals involved
The ability of the parties to encourage the sharing of love, affection, and contact between the child and the other party
The parent’s past pattern of involvement with the child
The parent’s system of values, time commitment, and mutual support
Parents’ physical proximity to each other and the child’s school and community
Any abuse or neglect by a parent
Any spousal abuse
The ability of the parent to place the needs of the child ahead of his or her own needs

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Day-to-Day Routine Can Be Determinative

Viewing the criteria above, you can see that the day to day involvement of a parent in things like school, activities, church can be very powerful for a divorce court. This is because Colorado family law courts try very hard to keep things as normal for the kids as possible. Therefore, past involvement in these essential routines helps keep a mom involved in the future.

When it comes to past involvement with the child there is no one item that will satisfy the court, but rather a view of the whole picture.

For example, who gets the child up in the morning, picks out his clothes, helps her brush her teeth, takes him to school? Who picks him up from school, fixes the afternoon snack, makes dinner, makes sure homework gets done? Who supervises bath time at night, reads a story, says prayers?

Mothers often provide primary care for their children and are often involved in the day-to-day responsibilities of raising and nurturing their children. Demonstrating a positive involvement helps improve your chances with the judge.

While some mothers may be at a disadvantage financially at the beginning of their divorce, more mothers are becoming educated with strategies and information on how to enhance their parenting time case.

(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

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