Specific "Custody" Resources

Audiobooks

• The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce
• Generation Ex

Podcasts

• Dads on the Air
• How Divorced Dads Stay Connected to Kids
• Single Mom Talk
• DivorcingDaze

Articles

• Parenting Schedules
• Emergency Parenting Time
• International Issues

Videos - Webcasts

• Colorado - A "Mom's State?"
• Child "Custody" in Denver Divorces
• Best Interests of the Child
• Joint Decision Making and Domestic Violence
• Child and Family Investigator
• Overnight Visitation

Forms:

• Parenting Plan

Johnson Sauer Links:

• Overview (with video)
• Best Interests of the Child
• How Time is Split
• Supervised Parenting Time
• Drug/Criminal Issues
• Decision Making
• Visitation Schedules

Divorce is one of the most difficult times in anyone's life. It helps to gather information so you can make informed decisions, not just about who to hire, but how to move on with your life in a healthy way.

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"Custody" in Divorce

"Terminology - Or Philosophy?"

We've used the word "custody" here only because that's what most people think of when they talk about time with their kids after a divorce. It's the wrong word to use and here's why:

First of all, Colorado law doesn't recognize the word. If a lawyer walks into court and starts talking about "custody", everyone in the room knows they're a rookie. When a party uses the word "custody", you know their attorney hasn't done a very good job of educating the client.

Instead, we talk about:

Parenting Time Decision Making

Is this just splitting hairs, or is there some meaning behind the distinction? Actually, if you stop and think about it, it makes perfect sense. "Custody" can be defined as "the care, possession, and control of a thing or person." Now, "care" might be a good word to use, but who talks about their kids in terms of possession and control?

In a divorce, kids come first - we (parents, lawyers, judges) try to do what's best for them. Using the term "custody" places the kids as secondary to the alleged "rights" of the parties. They're not. Kids come first.

Parenting Time

Again, if you parse out the phrase "parenting time" you find out that it, too, makes perfect sense. This is your time to act as a parent. The phrase carries responsibility. You must "parent" during this time - homework, discipline, talk about issues, read with the kids, etc. The phrase is as much about your responsibilities as it is about time with your children.

How much parenting time you get, and when you exercise it, is decided by the court in "the best interests of the child." Notice carefully the only perspective the court must, by law, consider. The court views your parenting time from the child's perspective. If time with you is good for the child then you'll get it - if not, you won't.

Of course, time with a parent is critical for a child. It's why most court's move toward a 50-50 split of parenting time if both parents can, and want to, spend that much time with their kids. As with all things in a divorce proceeding, though, there are countless reasons a court would vary from a 50-50 split.

Decision Making

Who decides which school a child attends, which church they go to, which doctor they see? These decisions are huge and have lasting effects on the well-being and development of a child. So important are these decisions, courts separately consider each parent's ability to make wise decisions for the child and allocates, between the parents, decision making responsibility.

Once again, where parents want to - and can - work together on these decisions, a court moves toward "shared decision making". This means, parents have to talk about these decisions and try to come to consensus. And with two people in the middle of a divorce, this can be asking a lot.

Where parents can't work together, for example where communication is an unreasonable expectation, a court will tend toward assigning decision making to just one parent. It could be one parent decides education questions and the other decides religious questions, for example, or, one parent may end up being the sole decision maker for all major decisions.

Specific Divorce Survivor resources:

Audiobooks

• The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce
• Generation Ex

Podcasts

• Dads on the Air
• How Divorced Dads Stay Connected to Kids
• Single Mom Talk
• DivorcingDaze

Articles

• Parenting Schedules
• Emergency Parenting Time
• International Issues

Videos - Webcasts

• Colorado - A "Mom's State?"
• Child "Custody" in Denver Divorces
• Best Interests of the Child
• Joint Decision Making and Domestic Violence
• Child and Family Investigator
• Overnight Visitation

Parenting Plan

If you and your soon-to-be ex are able to settle on the terms of the parenting time schedule and decision making responsibility, then you'll submit to the court a document called a Parenting Plan. These parenting plans are - and should be - as varied as the kids themselves. Every family is different and every child has different needs. For lawyers, and for parents, it can be a real challenge to get a good, fully customized parenting plan.

The more detail that can be put into one of these plans, the better, in our opinion. There are a couple main reasons for this. First, if the plan fully lays out dates, times, places, acceptable conduct during transfers, etc, then you're much less likely to have trouble with these issues in the future. Spending the time and money with a lawyer to lay out all these terms now is money well spent.

Secondly, the child will know exactly what to expect. All the experts tell us consistency is critical - in fact, at our office, we refer to it as one of the two pillars of parenting time, the other being frequency.

More Resources:

Forms:

• Parenting Plan

Johnson Sauer Links:

• Overview (with video)
• Best Interests of the Child
• How Time is Split
• Supervised Parenting Time
• Drug/Criminal Issues
• Decision Making
• Visitation Schedules

Why Johnson Sauer?

We protect your interests and attempt to reach an ideal agreement that works for you and your children. Our goal is to obtain the best agreement for you and your family. We work hard to help you develop a custom-tailored Parenting Plan that is flexible, fair, and most of all, in the best interests of your children.

We believe it's important to listen to your priorities and concerns. The family law lawyers at Johnson Sauer Legal Group, LLC are experienced in all types of custody, visitation, and other Colorado family law issues. Our attorneys can help you reach sound decisions that guard the future of your children, and your relationships with them.